Kissing Jessica Stein, Tales of Love, and Looking for Someone

Kissing Jessica Stein

This movie fell flat for me – it felt like the film merely skimmed the surface of Helen and Jennifer’s relationship and the male love interest with Josh was predictable. Jessica was constantly running a comparison between him and Helen. At the beginning of her relationship with Helen, Jennifer was noticing the similarities between the two, but by the end she was struggling to find differences.  It was the Rilke quote that initially drew her to Helen, yet it was Josh’s Anais Nin quote that pushed her to take the leap of faith. Throughout the movie, this unseen balance between Josh and Helen often indicates a shift in Jennifer’s perception as well as the focus of her desire.

As I mentioned earlier, Josh quotes Nin, saying, “We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” The only way we can know the other is through our own unique perception. We do not know the other as they are, but rather as a projection of their image onto ourselves.

On an unrelated side note, I found it interesting that Jessica was affected by Helen’s use of the word marinate as a verb outside of the culinary arena. There are an endless number of quirky verbs you could adapt to use in conventional conversation, but the screenwriter chose a word strongly associated with cooking. He might be playing on the traditional patriarchal norm of the kitchen being the woman’s domain. It is particularly ironic that it was spoken between women who do not conform to sexual gender roles.

Tales of Love

By: Julia Kristeva

I love the density this piece; I feel as though I could read it any number of times and still acquire a new bit of knowledge each time. I thought Kristeva’s quote from the first page was especially applicable to our discussion last class. She states, “The feeling during love, of having had to expend if not give up desire and aspirations, isn’t this in fact the price we must pay for the violence of our passions about the other?” Desire is responsible for both the creation and destruction of love and love is an attempt to control the uncontrollable – desire. This is the inverse nature of their relationship.

Kristeva’s discussion about society veiling desire in shame made me think of Ernaux’s brazen honesty in the description of her own desire. Ernaux was able to put words to her experience with desire, but for most, as Kristeva points out, “love would, in any case, be solitary because incommunicable.” (Pg. 3) It seems tragic that the most common human emotional experience is something we can barely find the words to share with one another. Moreover, the thought that their experience with desire is unique is often what incites people to alienate themselves in the first place.

Looking for Someone

By: Nick Paumgarten

Internet dating has found a way to bridge the gap between the image of the beloved and the beloved. Dating websites are based on complex algorithms that are used to pair people. These algorithms help people to first construct the image of their beloved before searching for them.

Statistically, Internet relationships are drastically shorter than their traditional counterparts, which seems somewhat counterintuitive to me. Online, the individual has more time to solidify their image of the beloved before actually meeting. The longer there is an illusion, the harder it is to shatter, which I thought would be reflected in the duration of the relationship. Alternatively, is it possible that online relationships should last longer simply because the pair is more carefully matched?

Simple Passion and The Reconstruction of Desire and Sexual Consumerism in Postwar Europe

Simple Passion

What I found remarkable about this piece is how unashamed Ernaux is of the foolish things she does because of desire. She makes wishes in church and consults fortunetellers, hoping that he calls today and at the very least left her with aids.  These are things that I would be far too ashamed of to admit out loud.  Furthermore, Ernaux doesn’t deny her obsession or have any desire to wean herself off of A. On the occasions that she did begin to distance herself, she commented, “These fleeting moments of detachment were prompted by external factors; I did not wish for them.”

The manner in which she openly acknowledges herself as the author and talks about the act of writing makes it feel like a letter from a friend. It makes her more personable and relatable. Her style seems very raw and unfiltered, so she shares internal dialogues that most authors would choose to cut. Because of this style, she’s able to establish herself as a strong independent woman while simultaneously telling the story of becoming an obsessed slave to desire. This dichotomy is unique to say the least, and extremely effective in conveying deeper emotions and more personal thoughts with the reader. After reading only two chapters of her writing, I feel as though I’ve known Ernaux personally.

This text especially demonstrates the destructive nature of desire. Ernaux explicitly acknowledges that she, “experienced pleasure like a future pain.” (p. 33) The brief time she spends with A is sublime, but she is ever aware of the misery to come when he leaves. She also acknowledges that desire has a time release; Eventually A will not fulfill her. By coming to know her own desire, she was able to let go of A and break a barrier between herself and society. Desire is a fundamental emotion for humans, and after experiencing it for herself she is able to have a deeper understanding of those around her. We’ve briefly looked at desire as a means to know the other, but Ernaux demonstrates this concept seamlessly.

The Reconstruction of Desire and Sexual Consumerism in Postwar Europe

The Reconstruction of Desire and Sexual Consumerism in Postwar Europe taught me things about sexual norms that I never would have thought to explore. I was under the impression that many modern sexual liberties had only become commonly accepted within the past ten to fifteen years. In reality, there were a number of vibrant subcultures associated with taboo sexual practices that became popular as early as the late fifties. I must admit, I got a certain sense of satisfaction out of reading that, “when a factory forewoman was put on trial for providing abortions, her female workmates sent her flowers.”(P. 204)

This text was more informational than what we’ve looked at in the past, but it conveys an important message; when it comes to love, humans are generally in sync. Individuals’ various desires help them to understand and find others in a similar situation. It's remarkable that something as abstract and personal as desire can act as a bonding agent for people who are otherwise completely unconnected. During years when desire had a very negative public connotation, subcultures of people overwhelmed with unexpressed desire daringly emerged and incited change in public opinion.

The Garden That You Planted by Sea Wolf

The Garden That You Planted by Sea Wolf: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_miTYAmHUNM&feature=related

Lyrics: 

Good Morning Dear,
I hope I didn't wake you too soon
Because my mind is growing tired
Too much thinking what I should do
I picture you out there
It must be beautiful this time of year
All those East Coast leaves
Floating round like embers from burning trees
Well the weather out here is just the same
But the garden that you planted remains.

Now it's only work
Each day bleeding into the next
Barely scraping by, I tire myself out just so I can rest
But rest it rarely comes
And when it does I cannot go home
Because it's much too quiet
Seems that I'm not suited to being alone
And everyone around me has changed
But the garden that you planted remains.

I think about you
Maybe more than I should
But the smoke is getting old
The drugs I'm taking aren't so good
So will you talk to me
Even though you've had a late night
Because I need a little help
Baby, tell me I'll be alright
Cause everything around me has changed
But the garden that you planted remains

This song is definitely on my top ten list. It’s not your traditional love ballad by any means but I think it’s an accurate portrayal of love. He’s calling to talk to his long distance lover after a long day. He can’t sleep, he’s working too much, his medication isn't helping and just being able to talk to her makes it worth it. In spite of the gloom that’s overcome his life, he’s able to find strength in her.

I especially like the line, “Everything around me has changed, but the garden that you planted remains.” Despite everything including himself is constantly in a state of transition, the love he carries doesn’t change.

When you love someone, you put up with all the strange, irritating, confusing, or manipulative behavior because their mere presence makes the bad things in your life irrelevant. That’s why Ricardo put up with the bad girl’s antics and Emma Bovary escaped to affairs with different men. Emma Recchi could tolerate her dollhouse life only by falling in love and Mathieu barely even noticed the terrorist activity around him because of his infatuation with Conchita. Something about being in love makes other qualms fade into the background. 

The Bad Girl: Part II

            For a reason I can’t quite put my finger on, I was disappointed with the ending. It seemed like the bad girl settled for a temporary solution as a last resort before she died. I also feel like there wasn’t enough background about Ricardo’s writing to include it in the bad girl’s closing lines.

Something else that struck me as odd was the manner in which both Ricardo and the bad girl acknowledge the sadomasochistic relationship that exists between them. In the literature and cinema we’ve looked at so far, the masochist doesn’t directly address the fact that he or she is a masochist. For example, Conchita was well aware of the sadistic games she was playing, but Mathieu wasn’t consciously aware that he was agreeing to be in a sadomasochistic relationship. He understood that she was fickle and cruel, but I don’t think he realized that he liked it. He didn’t recognize this cruelty as the cause of his undying desire. Ricardo, however, openly acknowledges his masochistic nature and even idealizes it, telling the bad girl, “We’re the perfect pair: the sadist and the masochist.” (p. 185)

            The bad girl doesn’t always play the part of the sadist, however. When she meets Fukuda, she undergoes a complete role reversal. She was horribly sadistic to all of her men, until Fukuda. For whatever reason, he tamed her and she became extremely masochistic only for him. She also shows subtle signs of her inner masochist in the scene where Ricardo comes home and he slaps her. Her response is, “You’re finally learning how to treat a woman.” She then proceeds to have passionate, and extremely painful sex with him. This seems like a strange response, not only for her but also for anyone.

The way she convinces herself and everyone around her of the Lagos rape cover story indicates that she might have a history of repressing memories. The bad girl changes identities so quickly, it’s hard to keep track of her. She may be running from a past that continues to haunt her and seep into every identity she creates for herself. Perhaps as a child she was abused or suffered some sort of trauma and her instinctual reaction was to repress the memory. After years of doing this, she conditioned herself into a pattern of finding a new identity as a means of keeping her safe and repressing old memories.  Each new identity offered the opportunity to forget anything she felt threatened by, guilty for, or caused her to feel negative emotions. She could start over with a new slate as a new person and the only one who knew her in all her forms was Ricardo. 

The Bad Girl, Part I

The Bad Girl

By: Mario Vargas Llosa

The Bad Girl is the ultimate tale of unrequited love, but I wish the perspective alternated between Ricardo’s and Lily’s. Lily appears as though she has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. She’s a liar and a cheat as well as a money hungry gold digger. Although Ricardo finds her enchanting, his dear friend Paul points out that, “She isn’t even that pretty.” However, there has to be more to her character than just malicious cruelty.

The Chilean girl is facing a few desire problems of her own. She recycles husbands like plastic water bottles. Is she looking for wealth and power? She has been with men who offer both, yet found herself unfulfilled and unhappy with them. Lily has a mentality similar to Emma Bovary, where she is constantly searching for the next best thing. No one truly knows the Chilean girl because she hides so many aspect of her life with lies. In all honesty, I don’t think Lily even knows Lily; somewhere along the line, she lost track of where the truth ends and the lies begin. Perhaps this absence of identity is the reason she is never satisfied when she gets what she wants. How can you know what you want if you don’t know who you are?

I thought the use of the Cuban Revolution as a backdrop for the novel created an interesting political dimension.  The rebels were heavily reliant on guerilla warfare, something with which Lily is certainly familiar. For months, Ricardo hears nothing of or from Lily when, suddenly she will descend on his life like a swarm of locusts. She wreaks havoc on his psyche for a few days, and then disappears just as quickly as she came.

The relationship between the bad girl and the good boy reminds me of the Zizek reading we did earlier this semester in which Zizek stressed the masochistic nature of courtly love. They resemble the Lady and the Knight, where, “the knight’s relationship to the Lady is thus the relationship of the subject-bondsman, the vassal, to his feudal Master-Sovereign who subjects him to senseless, outrageous, impossible, arbitrary, capricious ordeals.” (Zizek, p. 90) Lily has undoubtedly subjected Ricardo to impossible and capricious ordeal and has been doing so since their childhood in Peru.

In line with Zizek’s prediction, Ricardo has elevated Lily to the point where she fits the role of his ideal woman. However, in doing so he loses sight of the substance of her personality We hear about her slender waist and olive skin, but he never praises anything but her physical attributes. Her actions indicate that she is greedy, emotionless, and sociopathic, but Ricardo turns a blind eye.  He chooses to see her as this small, poor, vulnerable woman instead of a black widow who eats her lovers alive. Both Juan and Salomon warn Ricardo of love, but it’s too late; he’s already become a slave to the Chilean girl.